Draft 2021

Hello? Anyone there? I've sort of slipped into the abyss of blog block lately, finding myself lacking the oomph to upload (download?) pictures or otherwise put my random thoughts down on screen. Weird, to think that my grandchildren might not know what "putting pen to paper" means. Anyhoo, I've been a little angst ridden. Angst, with me, usually leads to lack of impetous. An inablility to work up the activation energy to do much of anything. This, in turn, leads to more angst, creating what I believe to be the original Catch-22. Welcome to my world. I've been trying to analyze the source of the angst, as I don't believe it to be connected to the usual boatload of anxiety I usually carry. And I think I've found the answer. I'm suffering from half-empty nest syndrome. Two chicks have flown the coop and I only have two left at home. And I don't quite know what to do with my time. Sarah is in school full-time and at 16, her need for my time and attenti

I received my first Little House on the Prairie book when I was in second grade. My oldest sister, then in college, gave it to me for Christmas. I was instantly hooked. Despite the fact that I had blonde hair, I was definitely Laura. Oh, how I envied my sister Marcia, five years older than I. I always felt somewhat like the ugly duckling comparied with her. And compare I did. Besides, Marcia still had Halloween candy left at Easter! There's something fundamentally unfair about that kind of self-control. As a mother, I have read and re-read the whole Laura Ingalls Wilder series a multitude of times. But as an adult, I certainly identified with a different character. Oh, poor Ma! How she suffered for her man. Pa had a bad case of the wanderlust, and Ma was always right there with him. Ready to pack, ready to break new sod, ready to live in whatever circumstances each new move entailed. Was she really as happy as Laura thought she was? How much arguing took place once she and her si

My Mom is home now from the hospital. Her surgery went well and now she can focus on regaining her strength. I'll be going to spend a week with her in Arkansas in early May. Fortunately, I have three sisters and amongst us we are able to spend time with her when she needs us. I spoke with her on the day before she left the hospital. When the phone rang, I was in the middle of a little project. Something I had wanted to do for a couple of years. Sometimes it takes me a while to amass the activation energy needed to tackle a project. Even a simple one. I finally gathered all the ingredients to try my hand at making my own laundry detergent. It's not that's it's such a difficult process. In fact, the recipe is extremely easy. Anyway, I mentioned to my mom that I was making laundry detergent when she called. Her immediate reaction? "You need to get a job." Ha! Her second reaction, however, was the memory of watching her grandfather making laundry deterg

Look what was in my Easter basket! There were many changes in our Easter celebration this year; the first of many, I'm sure. Stephen is in South Africa and Zachary had too much studying to come home. It was our first Easter without them. The Easter Bunny had to leave his trail of "poop" (jelly beans leading from each child's room down to the Easter baskets) in plastic eggs this year, as our poor little 80 lb., 7-month-old St. Bernard puppy chokes on jelly beans. Yep. We nearly had to perform the Heimlich on her last week. We didn't have a fancy Easter dinner. In fact, other than a yummy breakfast of caramel rolls - not the traditional cinnamon rolls - we ate leftovers for lunch and dinner. For the first time in at least 18 years, we didn't dye Easter eggs. Instead, we started a new tradition of decorating emptied shells with permanent markers. We learned this technique from a dear friend whose artistry far surpasses anything we were able to accomplish o

So, yesterday morning I'm sitting with my foot up, as per usual these days, drinking the elixir of life coffee and reading the paper when it starts. The oop-ack of a cat barfing. Now, this isn't an unusual occurrence in my house. I do, after all, have four cats. None of whom will allow brushing. The sound was coming from upstairs, in the hallway. Before I could register much more than "somebody needs hairball goo," Ivy was off like a shot. Now, remember, she's not supposed to "bound, run or otherwise exert herself" for at least five more days. Right. I leapt up and hobbled to the stairway landing, but these days my "fast" is not nearly fast enough. Before I even made it to the baby gate, Ivy had charged through, the gate crashed onto the landing, and she was up the stairs snarfing. You see, nothing is more tasty to a dog than cat barf. Except maybe cat poop, but that's another story. So, I hobbled quickly up the stairs, grabbed her leas

We spent a lot of time this weekend doing preparing for the gardening season. I use the term "we" loosely, mind you. Out of commission with my broken foot, I've been relegated to an advisory position only. As much as it's driving me crazy to sit on my rump all day, I know everyone else is getting fed up with all my little suggestions of things that need to be done. We should get our first crop of strawberry plants this year. They did all the work of growing all by themselves and without any suggestions from me. Michael, on the other hand, required a little coaxing to get out and till up our side yard garden. We borrowed the tiller from a friend, even though it's a little small for the job. It was definitely hard work, requiring two separate workings as it was a bit too wet Friday. Michael almost finished yesterday, when the drive belt gave out. He's picking a replacement up on his way home tonight, but finishing the job will have to wait several days now wi

This week seems to have been designed to test my mental fortitude. My ability to handle stress. A little experiment to see whether I crack under the pressure. Let me explain. In addition to breaking, then re-breaking my foot, all while walking mind you, two family members had surgery on Monday. My mom, who underwent an emergency colostomy last fall, had surgery to reconnect all her plumbing. The surgery went well, though the pain and side-effects of medication are difficult to contend with. She is expected to have a full recovery, though it will be at least 6 weeks before she feels strong and healthy again. My sister is in Arkansas for these first two weeks, I have the next week, another sister the week after that. Still wondering how I'm going to manage on my broken foot... Ivy also underwent her surgery on Monday. She had laparoscopic surgery to spay and attach her stomach to the rib cage. Giant breed dogs, like St. Bernards, are not only prone to bloat, but also to stomach twis

I have been something of a hermit of late. I always tend a little toward the "alone, but not lonely," but lately it's been a bit extreme. You see, these last couple of weeks have been somewhat overwhelming. It all started when I took Ivy for a walk about 10 days ago. It was a simple walk. A slow 2/3 mile, as my broken foot was still healing. All seemed well, though half-way through my right shoe began to feel a little tight. Throughout the rest of the day, my foot started to ache. A lot. More than it had. I chalked it up to being on it a little too much. That's all. Well, that night I took a good look and my foot was swollen again. And really sore. A quick call to the doctor yielded an appointment and instructions to wear my lovely orthopedic shoe. The verdict? I had likely cracked the new bone growth around the original fracture. Three more weeks of orthopedic shoe, followed by three more weeks of no walking for exercise, plus another appointment to check on my progr

We went on a trail ride while in the Ouachita Mountains near Hot Springs, Arkansas, during spring break. We had beautiful weather, in the upper 60s, for the hour-long ride. All of us have ridden horses a time or two before locally, but these horses were better trained. Whenever I've gone a trail ride here, my legs have been sore and uncomfortable shortly after the ride started. But this ride, I was comfortable the whole time. I think the stirrups were adjusted properly, way longer than they have been locally. I'll need to remember that when we ride again. It made a huge difference. The ride took us up mountains, through the woods, and over streams. At one point, Zach's horse, who was right in front of mine, decided to "giddyap" and burst up a hill in a fast trot. My horse, thinking this was a good idea, suddenly sped up. Whoopee, this is what trotting feels like! Whee, this is fun. My first thoughts. Then, I realized, I was gradually shifting. Tilting. Slipping!

Today the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that the state's same-sex marriage ban violates the constitutional rights of gay and lesbian couples, clearing the way for gay/lesbian marriage. Hallelujah ! Iowa is not known for its progressive politics and the outcome of the Supreme Court decision certainly wasn't a given. This is a banner day for Iowa and the nation, as Iowa will become the third state to allow same-sex marriage. Of course the state House minority leader, a Republican, has called for a constitutional amendment "protecting marriage as between and a man and a woman." I thought Republicans were supposed to advocate less government intervention into citizens' private lives. Can you spell " hypocrisy ?" My niece is in a loving relationship with another woman. They have been together a couple of years now, though I don't know if they are committed to a life-long relationship. Both women are college educated, employed, contributing members of societ

So the other day, while I was taking a nap on the floor in front of the fireplace, I did a little thinking. My first thought was that the floor is pretty darn hard, but I certainly wasn't going to waken Ivy, who was soundly asleep on the couch. After that, I contemplated the passage of time and how when I was 24 I never would have thought this is where I would be at 45. No, I don't mean on the floor. When I was 24, I had been been married for three years and had my first baby. He just turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. How could that much time have flown by so quickly? At 24 I was just beginning the journey of motherhood and still had no idea that mothering would become my "purpose" in life. I was astonished at how deeply I loved this new little person. I had never experienced such a selfless love before. It made me realize, also, for the first time, how my parents must have loved me. I hadn't yet anticipated the mental health issues my children would face, let